Hazziq Huzaimie
Ada kajian mengatakan punca terjadinya Second Child Syndrome nie adalah disebabkan parents beri too much attention to anak sulung & anak bongsu. Akibatnya, si tengah rasa terabai. Alasannya, anak sulung selalu menjadi yang 'pertama' > yang pertama rasmi pakaian, toys, yang pertama segalanya. Anak bongsu pula sering dimanja dan diberi perhatian yang lebih because anak bongsu is a baby in a family. Thus, being a middle of the siblings, si tengah selalu merasa terabai dan tidak diberi perhatian. Oleh itu, si tengah selalu berusaha untuk 'didengari' oleh parents mereka. Adui, sebak baca bab nie ;(
But, bukan semua anak kedua ada Second Child Syndrome nie. (Yes, most people think asalkan you anak kedua, you memang ada this syndrome. No no no) Then, camne nak tahu kan? I just nak share je based on my reading, simptom-simptom Second Child Syndrome nie:
- Rasa rendah diri & cemburu :>> Si anak tengah akan rasa rendah diri if parents selalu compare them with the elder. If anak kedua lebih nakal (selalunya begitu), parents di advise jgn sekali-kali cakap dengan anak tue 'sayang, duduk diam-diam macam kakak tue' atau 'cubalah belajar dari kakak tue'. Please please please, a BIG NO for these kind of comparison ok. Sometimes, as parents kita tak sedar yang dalam diam kita tercompare anak-anak. Because of this, si tengah akan merasa cemburu pada adik-beradik yg lain pula.
- Hilang arah :>> Puncanya, hilang tumpuan dari parents bilamana sang parents tanpa sedar terover perhatian untuk si sulung dan si bongsu. Akibatnya, si tengah tak clear dengan matlamat dan cita-cita & kadangkala akan kurang kemahiran bersosial. Too bad.
- Feel nothing can be expected from them :>> Because of si tengah always rasa terabai, sometimes sedikit pujian atau masa yang we spend for them can make them happy. Si tengah mudah sensitif dan terasa hati. Bila mana tiada appreciation or any attention from parents si tengah akan merasakan yg mereka tidak penting dalam family dan tidak boleh diharap.
- Dambakan perhatian & kasih sayang :>> The way si tengah react about love might be different from the eldest. Some parents sometimes feel yg si tengah seolah-olah tidak sayangkan mereka & tidak suka diberi perhatian. Salah tanggapan nie hokay! Fitrah anak perlukan kasih sayang from parents. Sometimes si tengah cuba protes & trying to tell their parents that they are not happy or they want more attention. Yes, in other words, they are attention seeker. As parents, make sure we tell them each day how much we love them.
- Try to get attention :>> How? Si tengah always ask toooooo many question, seeking help for everything, refuse to do something dengan sendiri, sangat bergantung to parents & siblings and could be very naughty just to get the ATTENTION. Yes yes yes, again, they are ATTENTION SEEKER.
- Hate comparison :>> As parents, never ever compare our children. Sifat si tengah memang tidak sukakan dirinya di compare dengan other siblings (in fact, semua orang pun tak suka di compare with others kan). Si tengah will offense & buat perkara yang bertentangan. Comparison akan buatkan si tengah develop emotional issues, especially when they feel terabai & tidak diberi perhatian. Cheer up si tengah (actually cheer up all kids) each time dia buat sesuatu yg baru so that they realize that they are special seperti yg lain.
- Pendiam atau peramah :>> Si tengah berpotensi untuk menjadi both. Because of kurang perhatian, si tengah berpotensi untuk menjadi anti-sosial, memendam perasaan dan dibimbangi perkara ini akan menjadikan mereka seorang yang pendendam. Ada juga si tengah yang bereaksi dengan cara menonjolkan perasaan mereka. Mereka menjadi seorang yang pemarah & cranky, even for a small thing.
- Persaingan between siblings :>> Sesetengah parents kata this is common for siblings. Yela, gaduh-gaduh manja gitu. Bak kata pepatah melayu, air dicincang tidak akan putus. Yes, agreed but percaya atau tak, with this syndrome si tengah will never agree on anything among their siblings. And yes, even si tengah don't bother pun if other siblings care about him!
Hmmmmm, bukan senang nak jadi the best parents nie. Haha. As parents, what should we do to prevent this?
- Layan Sama Rata :>> In other words, DONT COMPARE! Siapa yang suka dicompare, right? Tunjukkan the right ways to do things for them & give them time to learn & bagi feedback for them tapi don't ever ever compare, ok. Bagi perhatian yang sama rata antara semua anak, jangan lebihkan pada seseorang anak ja & jangan pilih kasih. Ya, walaupun baby might need more attention, but bear in mind that second child (as well as other child) also need attention.
- Jadi pendengar yang baik & don't judge :>> Learn to be a good listener. Dengar apa yang anak nak cerita & beri respon-respon yang bersesuaian. Kids always feel excited nak bercerita sesuatu, make sure bagi perhatian pada setiap cerita anak. Yes, walaupun kadangakala anak kita 'berbahasa perancis' , tapi layan je...
- Setiap anak adalah berbeza :>> Berbeza bukan untuk dicompare. Namun, setiap anak mempunyai keistimewaan tersendiri. As parents, we need to learn & accept keistimewaan & perbezaan setiap anak. As example, anak sulung mempunyai bakat melukis, don't expect the second child also has the same bakat. The second mungkin berbakat dalam sports. Just let them be different, as long as the different is good for them, just be a supportive parents.
- Main bersama & buat anak rasa istimewa :>> Parents nowadays are more than mampu untuk beli segala macam jenis toys untuk anak tapiiiiiii please also spend times to entertain them. Play together with them. If we beli mainan selori pun, tapi tak boleh nak spend some time playing with them, don't expect to be called as the best parents ever. Kids will appreciate more if we are around them, entertain them, playing with them. Alaaaa orang kata apa, ala-ala bonding time gitu.. Then macam mana nak buat anak rasa istimewa pulak? Hmmmmm... Sometimes, simple act could means a lot. Example, parents can celebrate anak's birthday, bawa anak jalan-jalan etc. Tapi kalau dah celebrate birthday si sulung, jangan la tak celebrate birthday si tengah (and anak-anak yang lain) pulak. Kecik hati kawan tue nanti. Be fair maaaaa....
- Remind them about sibling's love & teach them to share you :>> Teach children about sibling's love from they still small. No dengki-dengki, no jealous-jealous, no gaduh-gaduh. So that bila dah besar nanti they will take care & love each other. Also, explain to them that we can't always be present all the time & they need to share us with other siblings. Last but not least they also need to share us with their Abah ;P Hahaha.
Panjang pulak cerita pasal nie.
Mama & Hazziq, February 2017
My second child nie namanya Hazziq Huzaimie. Born on 30th December 2014, 12.55pm @ KPJ Tawakkal. My anak yang sooo manja, so baik hati, suka mengalah, suka berkawan tapiiiiii a bit nakal (suka kacau Ayish & Amie) & nampak a bit ke'attention seeker' itu. LOL.
Till then, cheeeers!!
